


An Angel Watching Over Me

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Magnus Bane, Angst, Depressed Alec Lightwood, Drama, Forbidden Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sad Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: AUA depressed artist Alec is emotionally crippled by a devastating loss, lost and ready to give up. Until his very own guardian angel Magnus literally falls from the sky. Will Magnus manage to lead Alec back to light? And what happens when their feelings for each other grow?MALEC





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yet again I felt a story wanting to come out. And here we are. (chuckles helplessly)
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Noooope, I own nothing. If I did, we’d have a Malec spinoff of ‘SH’ coming out. (pouts)
> 
> WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, dark thoughts, mentions of a child’s death, some language... So... Not exactly warm and fuzzy stuff. Buuut, there’s a tiny bit of warm and fuzzy, too.
> 
> Awkay... Are you ready? Because here we go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

It was Alec Lightwood’s twenty-first birthday. Most young men might’ve celebrated the occasion by going out and getting stupidly drunk legally. All Alec wanted was to be left alone to the isolated cabin where he’d moved almost two years earlier.

He sent short responses to messages from his sister and mom, who congratulated him and told him that they missed him. (He missed them, too, of course he did. But he was no good for anyone.) Inevitably they asked about his so-called career. (Yes, he was still a practically penniless artist who hadn’t managed to finish a painting in over a year.) He rejected his brother’s, Jace’s, video call. (He didn’t want to talk to anyone on a good day. Today wasn’t a good day.) His father forgot, as was his custom. (That Alec hadn’t expected anything different didn’t make it hurt any less.)

/ _“Alec, look!”_ /

Alec glared at an empty canvas. Listened to the utter, maddening silence the time passed hadn’t helped him get used to. Only memories kept him company. And he couldn’t take it anymore.

Alec had absolutely no idea what he planned on doing when he barged into the night. Sitting behind his ancient pickup truck’s steering wheel, panting hard, he still had no clue. All he knew was that he needed to get away, and a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere wasn’t far enough.

He tried to start the car. Once, twice, thrice. Ignoring the voice of reason in the back of his head screaming at him to stop and think. Because whatever it was he thought about doing, it was stupid. He emitted a tear-filled scream of frustration and betrayal when the vehicle refused to obey him.

After a full hour of futile attempts Alec was finally forced to admit defeat. His shoulders slumping under the weight of the world, he forced himself out of the car and just stood there in pouring rain. He stared at the seemingly endless, pitch black forest spreading everywhere. And couldn’t see anywhere to go.

Until there was a burst of light. At first he imagined that it was a lightning, especially because the flash was accompanied by a sound that reminded him of thunder. But then he saw something falling and narrowed his eyes. Only to have them widen as he realized that the ‘something’ was actually a man. Who had wings.

Operating without a thought again, Alec sprinted to a run. Water splashed and dirt rustled under his footsteps, and when he reached the forest branches smacked him across the face. He didn’t even notice.

After what felt like ages he finally reached the fallen man. Who lay on the ground on his side, a mess of wings and limp limbs. Alec’s stomach clenched when was certain that the stranger was dead. No one could possibly survive...

A soft groan, followed by a whimper, proved him wrong.

Alec stared at the apparently still living man. (Or... creature? What, exactly, was he looking at?) He probably should’ve run the other way, as quickly as he could. At very least he should’ve laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Well, at least his... special day wouldn’t be boring this year...

Alec approached with what he considered a healthy amount of caution. The closer he got, the more clearly he could see that the quivering wings were obviously damaged, broken from several places. The feathers were also changing from glowing white to dull grey. Shockingly the rest of the man seemed practically unharmed. He was deathly pale, though, and had his eyes were closed.

Alec swallowed thickly. He told himself that it wasn’t simply because of how incredibly beautiful the stranger was. “Can you hear me?” he inquired warily. And fought the urge to jump back with an unmanly yelp of startle when the other moved slightly. “Are you... okay?” He groaned inwardly at the stupid question. The guy just fell from the sky...!

Then a pair of bleary eyes cracked halfway open and all words, as well as thoughts, fled. Because if he’d imagined that the man was beautiful, those eyes... They were a whole new level of mesmerizing. He could’ve sworn that they were golden for a moment before settling to dark. And by some miracle the injured, without a doubt pained man was able to smile. “Alexander... I found you...”

Alec tensed up, his eyes narrowing. “Who are you? And how the hell do you know my name?”

The stranger struggled to stay awake and focus. Rain was almost enough to drown out the whispered words. “... been watching you ... all your life ....” The man’s eyelids fluttered, about to close. “I’m Magnus... Your guardian angel...” With that the other’s consciousness fled.

/

Two hours later Alec’s eyes were still narrowed and he’d folded his arms defensively over his chest while he glared at a fireplace. His body was shaking from rage and cold. And memories that’d never stop haunting him.

/ _“Alec, look!”_  
 _“Max, don’t...!”_ /

Slow and unsteady steps made him tense up further. Magnus took some time before speaking quietly. “Usually those we guard aren’t allowed to see us. But... I begged for an exception. Because you needed me.”

Alec’s blood boiled. “I needed you when I was twelve and kids at school bullied me over having a crush on my adoptive brother!” he hissed. “I needed you when I was fifteen and my father disowned me for being gay! And I needed...!” His voice broke. The ensuing frustration only added fuel to his rage. “And I needed you two years ago, when Max died on his birthday!” He whirled around and glared at the man who appeared infuriatingly vulnerable and attractive. “What kind of a guardian angel are you? You’ve never been there for me when I’ve needed you! So don’t come pretending that you care about me now!” With those words he stormed off. Ignoring how much he would’ve wanted the fire’s warmth he headed to the rain instead, slamming the door.

In the light of the fireplace Magnus bowed his head while the last of his feathers turned grey, and wind carried Alec’s wounded scream to his ears.

By the time Alec returned inside the fire had gone out long since. Yet Magnus still stood there, staring at the fireplace yet obviously observing him. Neither said a thing while Alec marched to one of the cabin’s two bedrooms and closed the door purposefully sharply.

/

The following morning Alec woke up to something he hadn’t heard in over two years. (Since Max’s funeral, he refused to think.) Someone was playing a piano.

Curious to a fault, Alec climbed reluctantly out of the bed and followed the sound. What he found was Magnus playing. The song was something he’d never heard before, incredibly sad and hauntingly beautiful. He stood there for several full minutes, spellbound.

Then, so suddenly that he shivered, Magnus’ fingers paused. “This piano is appallingly dusty. Why do you have such a beautiful instrument here if you don’t use it?”

Alec shifted with discomfort. “Jace, my brother... It reminds me of him. He’s a fantastic pianist.” _Though not as good as you_ , he admitted reluctantly, even if only to himself. He lifted his chin. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

Magnus sighed heavily. “I can’t exactly fly back.” The angel hesitated. “My wings... were broken and my ability to fly was taken away. It was the price of showing myself.”

Shock hit Alec like a bucket of ice water. Out of all the things he’d expected to hear...! “What?” he blurted out. “Why would you pay such a price?”

Magnus looked at him, dark eyes incredibly sad. “Because I had to come. You needed me.” The man tried to smile upon sensing his disbelief. “Don’t worry, though. This shouldn’t be a permanent arrangement. They’ll consider accepting me back once you’ve found what you need.”

Alec clenched his jaw, feeling torn. “You’ve never been there for me before. Why now?”

Magnus got up and walked towards him slowly. Understandably expecting a negative reaction. “If you allow it... I’d like to show you something.”

Alec nodded slowly, shocked that he was actually letting the angel anywhere near him.

Magnus closed his eyes and placed his hands on both sides of Alec’s head. It took some time. First the young man felt a gentle tug, then warmth. Followed by flashes.

He saw himself at the age twelve. Sitting in a treehouse and gasping in effort to keep himself from crying. A few tears still spilled while the cruel words of his schoolmates rang in his head, taunting him. He felt lonelier than ever in his life. Until it was like someone had wrapped their arms around him and pulled him to a tender embrace. The sensation was so soothing that eventually he fell asleep. And woke up to Izzy and Jace calling out his name. They hugged him, and then had ice cream with him until they’d all eaten so much that they felt sick. When he asked them how they found the treehouse no one was supposed to know about they just said that they got a feeling.

“I sat there with you almost until sunset. Watching over you. And I led your siblings to you.”

Next he was fifteen again. Pouring rain masked the tears running down his cheeks while the words his father disowned him with kept replaying in his head. Over and over again in a merciless loop. He stood on the balcony of his parents’ penthouse apartment, trembling to the core of his being. As he looked down on the world that seemed incredibly far away, horrible thoughts began to fill his head. Until he could’ve sworn that a pair of arms wrapped around his waistline. Holding him still, grounding him. The embrace was enough to make his grip on the balcony’s railing break. And then there was a hand on his shoulder. He peered backwards to find his mom. Despite the rain he could tell that she was crying. Her vulnerability made his own self-control break. Sobbing uncontrollably, he melted to her hug like never before in his life.

“I held on to you, until your mom could do it for me.”

And then it was the day when Max died. They'd headed to a beautiful beach and everyone was having fun. Until Max called out, standing on top of a dizzyingly high cliff. His little brother jumped with a grin on his face, just like he’d seen his siblings do elsewhere. The child didn’t know about the rocks hiding under the water. Alec was already running before Max broke the surface. He fought harder when the boy didn’t come back up. He swam, and swam, until he couldn’t breathe, until he couldn’t go on anymore. Until he sank under, too.

It should’ve been the end of him. But it wasn’t. Because something pulled him back up. And then Jace was dragging him towards the shore. Where Max’s body already lay.

“It wasn’t your time yet, Alexander.” Magnus said those words so firmly that only a fool would’ve protested. “So I pulled you back up. To life.” The angel’s eyes filled with grief. “I couldn’t stop you when you ran away from the pain. So I hoped that you were doing the right thing and kept watch. Until I couldn’t just stand by unseen and unheard anymore.”

Alec breathed hard. And glared at the floor when his eyes stung in a manner he hated. “So, you’re... What, forcing me to live?”

“No.” Magnus shook his head. “I’m here until you see that your life is worth living.”

Alec snorted. In a more coherent state of mind, with less horrible memories haunting him, he might’ve wondered why it sounded like he chuckled. “Well, good luck with that. You’ll be here for a long time.”

Magnus shrugged, even had the nerve to smirk. Because the angel saw the spark in his eyes Alec hadn’t known had been lost for a long time. “Maybe. But I’m all for effort.”

/

And so they became housemates. Alec was shocked and confused to discover that he didn’t hate it even nearly as much as he’d expected to. Most of the time neither of them spoke, but the silence was the companionable kind. (Magnus didn’t comment when Alec tried and failed to paint, for which the young artist was grateful.) There were evenings when they sat in front of a fireplace for hours, staring at the flames as though the fire had been whispering secrets.

Most mornings started with Magnus playing a piano. Alec noted with curiosity that more often than not the songs matched his mood. The sadder he was, the more melancholic the melodies were. He found that the music had a tremendous soothing impact.

Magnus didn’t exactly need food, but always made sure that Alec ate at least something. At first the young man protested vehemently, until he figured out that resistance was futile. And Magnus turned out to be a magical chef.

“You approve, then?” the angel inquired one day, while his young charge hummed appreciatively at a stew.

Alec licked his lips. “I’m just... surprised. Everyone in my family succeeds in burning even rice.”

“I had a phenomenal assistant.” Magnus fished something from his dark locks. “Who looks adorable with radish in his hair.”

Alec rolled his eyes. All too aware of the heat rising to his cheeks. “I’m not adorable.”

“Yes, you are. Angels aren’t capable of lying.” Magnus tilted his head. It was difficult to read the look on the man’s face. “And you should do that more often.”

Alec frowned. “What? Get food in my hair?”

Magnus chuckled. “No. Smile.”

Alec hadn’t realized that he was doing so – or that he hadn’t smiled in over two years.

/

While autumn progressed, they developed a more or less steady rhythm. Magnus kept playing for him and feeding him while Alec did what little he could to help the angel’s wings heal. (He noticed with sadness that the more time passed, the deeper the shade of grey became.)

During daytime they often worked on Alec’s car. Winter was coming and they needed the vehicle if they wanted to get supplies to help him survive it. Eventually Magnus nicknamed the car DOA, and Alec liked the morbid name so much that it stuck.

After daylight hours they often sat in front of the fireplace. Most commonly reading, since painting still wasn’t an option. After Alec learned that Magnus was excellent at chess it became something of an obsession for them both. (Apparently they had their competitive natures in common.)

While one season began to change to another, it occurred to Alec that he’d never even thought about asking Magnus to leave. While he’d pushed away everyone else in his life. He stopped mulling over that realization when it startled him.

Alec didn’t notice that he’d started contacting his siblings and mom more frequently. Magnus did. The angel smiled when he heard Alec laugh at one of Jace’s stupid jokes.

/

On the day winter’s first snow fell Alec noticed Magnus wincing constantly and trying to fold his still damaged wings. He frowned. “Are you okay?”

Magnus nodded and tried to smile, but it didn’t come out right. “I’m quite fine. The cold... is just giving me a bit of a hard time.”

Alec considered for a moment. Then fetched a blanket and draped it gently around the angel. Alec shrugged at the other’s surprised expression. “You’ve been watching over me all my life. Let me take care of you for a change.”

Magnus’ eyes softened. The man seemed baffled to be cared for by someone. “Thank you, Alexander.”

Alec shook his head. “No, thank you. For going through all this to help me. And... I’m sorry it took me this long to thank you.” He wondered with a grimace if he sounded as awkward as he felt. He was so bad at apologies and thank yous...!

Magnus seemed to disagree. Very slowly and tentatively the angel took his hand, wrapped cold fingers around it. Alec returned the hold before he’d even decided to do so, hoping to provide the other with some warmth.

That night Alec started to paint a figure with broken wings.

/

Quite soon winter began in earnest. And the cold made Magnus feel increasingly uncomfortable. One night Alec was about to fall asleep when he heard the angel trembling from discomfort. And spoke out before wondering if he was out of his mind. “Come here.” He lifted his blanket. “The bed’s big enough for us both. And I can’t stand seeing you so miserable.”

Magnus obeyed hesitantly. But eventually the smaller man was in his arms. And Alec was stunned to discover how natural it felt. How the angel fit beside him as though belonging there.

Alec was about to overthink it. Until something made him giggle. “Your feathers... They tickle.”

Magnus giggled back, and they kept laughing together until Alec fell asleep. His head nestled against Magnus’ shoulder, and the angel’s broken wings wrapped protectively around him.

From thereon out they spent every night that way. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It just happened.

And Alec didn’t overthink it.

/

Christmas caught Alec by surprise. Unlike the past couple of years, he didn’t switch off his phone and drink until he passed out. (To dream of a Christmas tree, and his whole family around it. Happy and whole, all of them alive and their bonds unbroken.) Instead, with Magnus holding his hand, he picked up a phone and called his siblings. As well as his mom.

Jace was obviously pleased to hear from him. He even talked to Clary. And Maxine, the couple’s little girl.

His mom burst into tears upon hearing his voice. Which made Alec feel so guilty that he almost cried, too, until Magnus gave his hand a squeeze. They ended up talking for over an hour. Eventually Alec also wished a Happy Christmas to her fiancé Luke.

Izzy was happily tipsy when he reached her. So was her boyfriend Simon, who inserted a few sentences despite Alec’s grumpy responses. “ _Don’t take this the wrong way, but... You sound weird. In a good way._ ” Izzy’s soft tone made him realize how much he’d missed her. “ _You sound happy._ ”

Alec tightened his hold on Magnus’ hand subconsciously. “I... think I am”, he admitted. “Or, I’m trying to get there, anyway.”

“ _Good. You deserve to be happy. You’re my favorite person in the world. With Simon, of course._ ” Izzy sounded so earnest that it made his heart swell. “ _Merry Christmas, Alec._ ”

“Merry Christmas, Isabelle.”

After the calls they went outside. Magnus insisted that he could handle the cold for a moment and they both felt a childish urge to build a snowman. In the middle of the process Alec slipped and fell gracelessly, with a loud groan.

In seconds Magnus was kneeling beside him. The snow on his hair and eyelashes made him look more like an angel than ever before. And Alec was powerless against the temptation.

Magnus emitted a choked sound when he began to tug the man closer. “Alexander... This is a terrible mistake...”

Alec shook his head stubbornly. Despite knowing full well that the angel was right. “I don’t care.”

Their lips met. First softly and uncertainly, then with far more heat. It was Alec’s first kiss. And it was the most amazing and magical thing he’d ever experienced.

Alec didn’t notice that as of that day, Magnus’ feathers began to turn black.

Much later, after he’d already dozed off for the night, Alec jolted at the sound of a text message. He was shocked to discover that it was from his father. Even more surprising were the words. ‘ _Merry Christmas. I’m so sorry, about everything. Maybe you’ll forgive me one day._ ’

Alec stared at his phone for a good while. Then typed in the only response he could think of. ‘ _Merry Christmas._ ’

Perhaps one day he’d be able to forgive his father. And himself. He was done with feeling angry and guilty. Maybe it was time to try letting those feelings go.

/

While winter dragged on, Alec and Magnus exchanged many more kisses. Even if they both knew, entirely too well, that it was a bad idea. Because their days together were numbered. More often than he would’ve cared to admit Alec felt bitterness over the realization that he was Magnus’s mission. Because, even if he wasn’t quite ready to admit it to himself, he wanted to be a lot more. Impossible as that may be. He also wasn’t ready to show Magnus what little of his newest painting was ready.

One sunny morning, while they sat on the porch basking in the light of spring’s first truly warm day, Alec felt bold. Enough so to ask something quite possibly inappropriate. “How did you become an angel?”

Magnus was silent for a while. (Alec hoped surprised, rather than appalled.) “You mean... How did I...?” The man took his time before answering. “I... was in a really bad, dark place. And... No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see a way out. So...” The angel sighed. “Afterwards I decided that if I’d ever find someone in a... similar situation, I’d do everything in my power to help them.”

Alec’s heart broke when he imagined someone like Magnus suffering so horribly. He took the angel’s hand and held it tenderly. “I’m lucky you were assigned as my guardian angel, then.”

Magnus kissed his cheek. Leaving behind a pleasant, cool tingling sensation. “And I’m honored that I got to meet you properly.”

It was on that day Alec realized that he was in love with Magnus. That he’d been falling for a while already. It was the best and most horrible thing he’d ever encountered. Because it’d only ever lead to heartbreak.

So Alec kept his feelings to himself, wondering whether it was easier if they were requited or unrequited.

/

Spring was turning into summer when Alec finally noticed. His brows furrowed while he took in all the black feathers Magnus had. “Why is that happening? Do you know?”

Magnus shook his head with a deviously charming smile. “No. But I’m certain it’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine, it doesn’t hurt.” The angel gestured towards his cheek. “You’ve got an oil stain, right there.”

Alec inspected and discovered that the other was right. “Thanks.” He wiped it away and gave Magnus a fond glance while the angel wasn’t looking. “What would I do without you?”

Suddenly Magnus became alarmingly serious. The man met his eyes sternly. “You’ll never, ever have to find out. Because I’ll always watch over you. Even after I’m accepted back.”

Alec swallowed back the bitter taste rising up his throat. Of course he knew that. But he wasn’t sure if it would be enough anymore.

That day Alec was finally forced to admit that DOA was past salvation and got himself a new car. One which Magnus found for him, from amongst newspaper adds. (Alec teased that he was an old man for still reading newspapers. Magnus quipped back that he was centuries old, so he was allowed to act like an old man. The smirk the announcement came with made Alec fall even more in love.) The replacement car wasn’t the newest, either. It was black and white, reeked like something had crawled inside it and died. But it purred on without hiccups, which was progress. And its large backseat was ideal for cuddling and kissing. They named it Skunk.

/

Less than a week later Magnus insisted that Alec had to attend to Izzy’s birthday party. And the young man shocked himself by agreeing. The angel gave him a smile when he begged the man to come along. “They wouldn’t even see me, and you’d feel foolish, talking to an invisible person.” Magnus gave him a kiss. “I’ll be right beside you, anyway, even if you can’t see me. Go. Spend time with your family. They’ve missed you as much as you’ve missed them.”

Magnus was right, as was infuriatingly often his custom.

Jace gave Alec a long, tender hug. His mom had tears in her eyes when she embraced him as well. Izzy smacked him upside the head. Then hugged him so tightly that he lost his breath. “I’ve missed you, you jerk!” she murmured against his shoulder. “Now, let’s go cut the cake.”

Alec didn’t even try to hide the smile that appeared to his lips.

Some hours later they stood in front of Max’s grave. Which Alec hadn’t seen since his brother’s funeral. It was the first time he saw the boy’s name carved on stone.

“I should’ve gotten to him faster”, Alec mumbled. The words escaping free of his will. “I should’ve...”

His mom took his hand. “Alec, we were all there. None of us was fast enough.” She shook her head at the shadows in his eyes. “His death... It wasn’t your fault.”

Izzy and Jace nodded firmly, their eyes full of moisture.

Their reassurances broke something inside Alec. He was crying before he ever saw it coming. Finally allowing himself to mourn the loss of his brother properly.

And for the first time in almost three years Alec breathed easily.

/

Night had already fallen when Alec returned home. Magnus gave him a look as soon as he walked through the door. And smiled, despite definitely seeing the tear tracks on his face. “So, today was a good day?”

Alec nodded. And smiled for the second time that day. “Yeah. A very good day.”

Just like so many times before they shared a bed. But that night something changed. Magnus gasped when Alec’s kisses demanded things they’d never even talked about before. “Alexander, as an angel I’m not certain how much pleasure I’ll be able to offer...”

Alec looked at his angel. At the perfect skin, at the flawless face, at the wings that were damaged but still stunningly beautiful. And felt the kind of desire he’d never experienced before. “Show me what you can give”, he urged huskily. “I want this. I want you.”

For the couple of hours which followed Magnus showed just how much the man wanted him, too. Gasps, moans, whimpers and cries of pleasure echoed in the cabin while they gave in to each other completely. As he reached the peak of pleasure with a shudder, Alec came dangerously close to crying out ‘I love you’.

It was a mistake, they both knew as much. But Alec experienced no remorse. Because he’d never felt as good as he did there in Magnus’ arms. He doubted that he’d ever feel for anyone like he felt for the angel.

He decided that the following day he’d finally finish the painting.

/

Unfortunately the euphoria didn’t get to last long.

While the first rays of the following morning’s sun touched his skin, Magnus experienced a bizarre, tingling sensation. And realized that those of his feathers which weren’t black were quickly turning white. His eyes widened from horror when he knew, instinctively, what it meant.

_No, no...! Don’t take me back now! Not yet, not like this...!_

With desperate eyes he glanced towards Alec, who was sleeping soundly beside him. With a smile on his face. He opened his mouth and tried to call out, but found that he couldn’t utter a sound. 

‘ _No!_ ’ a voice boomed in his head. ‘ _You’ve already gone entirely too far with him. Not another word. It’s past time you come back to face your verdict._ ’

Increasingly anxious, Magnus looked around for help. And noticed a piece of paper and a pen on a nightstand. He grabbed them and began to write hurriedly. ‘ _Alexander, I lo..._ ’

He didn’t get further than that.

/

Alec yawned and stretched, feeling the pleasant kind of soreness. Memories of the night before made him smile. Sated and happier than ever in his life, he reached out towards the other side of the bed.

Only to find it cold and empty.

Alarm sparked in Alec’s chest. “Magnus?” When there was no reply, he opened his eyes. “Magnus?”

Three white feathers lay where his angel used to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to heal and pick up the pieces his life. Will he get a chance to be happy? And what happened to Magnus?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turned out, I just couldn’t leave this story the way the first chapter. So here we are, with another beast of a chapter. (chuckles)
> 
> THANK YOU, a million times, for the absolutely amazing comments, love and support you gave the first chapter! You have no idea how much every kind word means to me. (HUGS)
> 
> Now, because stalling’s just rude... Let’s go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

It took over an hour before the reality that Magnus was gone truly sunk in. And when it did... Alec crumbled. He sunk down to his knees to the cabin’s floor, tears filling his eyes and rolling. He felt more alone than ever in his life.

Because for the first time ever he truly couldn’t feel his guardian angel beside him.

In the meantime Magnus was about to face his verdict. The head of the Court sighed from immense disappointment and shook her head. “Oh, child... Look at all those black feathers of yours. I suppose you were always destined to fall.”

Those words... sounded ominous, to say the least. Magnus frowned, his wings twitching anxiously. “What are you going to do to me?”

Moments later he screamed from agony, at the top of his voice.

/

The month which followed was one of the longest in Alec’s life. It didn’t help that the first weeks of summer were unusually cold. At the end of the month he came to a decision.

It was time to leave the cabin behind and stop hiding.

His return to New York was, apparently, a cause for celebration. Alec himself wasn’t exactly in festive spirits. When his family began to notice and ask too many questions out of concern, he said that he was going through a bad breakup and nothing else. No matter how many more questions that answer sparked. He wasn’t going to tell anyone about Magnus. No one would’ve understood when he barely did.

Moving on and starting over... It was ridiculously hard and painful. But Alec picked up the pieces of his life stubbornly. Knowing that it was what Magnus and Max would’ve wanted him to do. He swam fiercely through pain, grief and sorrow, to learn how to live again.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.

Alec reconciled with his father. They’d never be close, not after how the man treated him. But they both took steps to get to know each other again.

Maryse and Luke got married in a tiny and intimate, beautiful ceremony. When his mom asked him to walk her down the isle he agreed to do so immediately. She deserved her second chance at happiness, and she’d obviously found it with Luke. (Alec longed for a shot at happiness for himself, too.)

Jace and Clary raised their little girl, who grew up bafflingly quickly. It was incredible to see how mature his brother became. A little over a year after Magnus’ disappearance the couple suffered a devastating miscarriage that almost claimed Clary’s life as well. Afterwards it became apparent that Maxine would remain their only biological child. The grief took the couple’s future to a brink. But somehow they made it through. When they were ready for it, Alec gave them a gift. It was a small painting of a child with wings walking towards a beautiful meadow. One larger hand held both of the little one’s. The couple burst into tears and embraced him as a thank you.

Simon and Izzy broke up. And made up. Twice. Then had a massive wedding. They were so ridiculously in love that it ached Alec to witness. (As happy as he was for his sister, it was a while since he last missed Magnus like he did that day.)

Alec realized with marvel and agony that if it wasn’t for Magnus, he wouldn’t have lived long enough to see any of that through with his family.

Alec did what he could to recover. He finally consented to therapy, and even medication. It was a long, grueling process. But eventually he realized that he was making progress. That much became apparent when he discovered that he could paint easily once more.

Time went on unstoppably. Alec didn’t forget Magnus, for even a second. Every evening he cast his eyes upwards with a heavy, aching heart. And started talking.

Sometimes he told Magnus about everyday things. Other days it was bigger matters. He said a lot after Clary’s miscarriage, and asked the angel to look after the little one. He also spoke a lot, and not only because of the drinks he’d had, when he found a buyer for three of his paintings.

But no matter what else he said... Whether it was a good day, a sad day or a horrible day... Alec always closed with the same words. His eyes grew suspiciously moist every single time. “Thank you, for everything you did and sacrificed for me. I miss you. And I hope I’ll see you again one day.”

/

On his twenty-fifth birthday Alec opened an art gallery with Clary. It was one of the best days of his life, with friends and family telling him how proud they were of him. And he was happy. But he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was missing.

The whole day he wondered if Magnus was proud of him, too, and fought the urge to reach out for a hand that wasn’t there.

Alec was about to down his third glass of champagne, which would’ve been enough to get him properly drunk. Until he felt something that made him gasp when all breath was stolen from his lungs. A presence. A tingle going all the way down his spine.

He turned, very slowly. With his heart beating ridiculously fast. To see a man standing in front of one of his paintings, back towards him.

There were no wings. Instead of having been left flat, the older man’s hair had been styled to perfection and decorated by a couple of red stripes. The style of clothing was also... from another world, flashy and luxurious. But Alec knew. With the certainty of someone who’d met the only person they’d ever fall in love with.

Moving slowly, in a daze, Alec approached the man he’d imagined he’d never see again. When he eventually called out his voice was hoarse, barely audible. “Magnus?”

Surprised, Magnus turned towards him. Which was when the artist took in the heavy but flawless makeup, as well as a great deal of jewelry. (How was it possible that the man looked even more beautiful than the previous time they met?) Magnus smiled in a way that did funny things to several parts of Alec. But there was no recognition in his dark eyes, which sized him up and down appreciatively. “Well, hello.” The man then frowned. “I’m... sorry, this is embarrassing, but... Have we met before? I’d like to imagine that I’d remember, if I have met someone like you.”

Alec felt like he’d been stabbed. Magnus had watched over him all his life, they spent months together. And now... Now all those memories were gone? He swallowed thickly. Keeping a straight face took all the willpower he had. “I, ah... I’m Alec.”

The sound of his name made Magnus’ eyes sparkle. “The famous Alexander Lightwood...!” Hope stirred, until... “Of course, your pictures have been everywhere. I came here today because Biscuit invited me, but your works caught my eye.” _And so did you_ , was obvious without any words.

Alec blushed, and for a few seconds had no idea what to say. “Thank you”, he sputtered at last. Thrill and grief battling over control inside him. He cleared his throat. “Biscuit?”

Magnus chuckled. (He adored the sound as much as he did years ago.) “Apologies, Clary. We’ve been friends for a while, now.”

Alec felt like laughing at the irony. There was a time when he hated Clary for stealing Jace’s heart. Now she reunited him with his angel.

They were so focused on each other that they shivered when Magnus’ phone bleeped. The smaller man groaned at whatever he received. “I have to go.” Those dark eyes softened upon finding his. “I’m glad that I got to meet you. And not only because you’re a phenomenal artist.”

Alec was so flustered that he couldn’t get a word out of his mouth. Until his beloved was already walking away. “Magnus, wait!” With anyone else he would’ve hated how desperate and needy he sounded. “Would you... like to go out for a drink, sometime? Or... Something?” Twenty-five, ad he was still such a disaster...!

Magnus’ smile was achingly familiar. The man looked at Alec in a way no one else ever had. (Nor did the artist want anyone else looking at him like that.) “I’d love that.” And so he was leaving again. “Congratulations, Alexander. Enjoy this evening, it’s yours.”

Alec wasn’t ready to let go. Didn’t think he ever would be. “I don’t even have your number.”

Magnus grinned at him over his shoulder while stepping into an elevator. “You do. Check your pocket.” The doors closed, separating them.

Still curious to a fault, at least when it came to Magnus, Alec complied. He reached out to the pockets of his pants. And found a call card. How it got there without him noticing was beyond him.

Alec smirked to himself, deciding that Magnus was quite magical.

“I knew that I did the right thing, setting you two up.” Clary, who’d managed to sneak up on him, smiled. “Magnus is a dear friend, but I didn’t invite him tonight for me.” She leaned closer conspiratorially. “He’s the one who taught Jace to dance at our wedding well enough to keep him from crushing my toes. That’s how we became friends.”

Alec blinked twice. His brain was having a hard time with... everything. “Magnus... dances?”

Clary seemed amused. “Well, yeah. He’s the city’s most famous dancer.” (So that was why the older man didn’t wonder how Alec knew his name...!) Seeing his stun, she scoffed and shook her head. “You seriously don’t keep tabs on culture news, do you?

No, he didn’t, but supposed that he should start doing so. That didn’t matter, though. Instead of mulling over things, Alec wrapped his arms around the petite young woman. It was the first time he ever hugged her, and decided that he had every reason to. “Thank you”, he whispered. “For leading him back to me.”

If Clary was confused by his words, she didn’t let it show or ask. “You’re welcome”, she murmured softly, hugging him back. “I decided that it was high time you two get to try being happy.”

It was bittersweet, to have so many memories Magnus didn’t. To know the man who barely recognized his name intimately. But now they had a chance to make new memories.

Alec decided firmly that he’d never lose his angel again.

/

Much later that evening Alec locked up the gallery and was about to head home, bracing himself for an evening alone with greasy takeaway. Fate had other plans. Because before he could head away a voice spoke. “How does tonight sound for that drink, or something?”

Alec spun around with a baffled, most likely silly expression on his face. He stared at Magnus, who stood there leaning against a wall like something out of his fantasy. And burst into his first laughter since they last laughed together.

Magnus arched an eyebrow. (Amused rather than offended, Alec was relieved to note.) “That bad of an idea?”

Alec could barely speak from the fact that he was still laughing. And breathless. “I just...” He shook his head to clear it. “I can’t believe you’re real.”

Magnus’ eyes twinkled. It felt incredible, to have someone look at him in such a way. “You, Alexander... are adorable.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m not adorable”, he scoffed. Once again all too aware of the color rising to his cheeks.

It was starting over something that barely got the chance to begin. A date they never had was the perfect way to do it. Even if said date wasn’t perfect.

Alec was so nervous that he barely got a word out of his mouth. Because that evening was something he’d been dreaming of for years, and he was terrified that he’d mess it up. 

Thankfully Magnus didn’t seem to mind his awkwardness. “You’re holding my hand pretty tightly”, the dancer pointed out while they were trying to choose a restaurant. He didn’t seem to mind that, either.

Alec shrugged. He focused on a menu to avoid meeting the other’s eyes. “I’m not taking any chances.”

Eventually they chose to eat at a Korean place. Alec had never tried such food before but wanted to impress his date, so he picked a dish that was far too adventurous. He burned his mouth and all the spices brought tears to his eyes. Two forkfuls, and he wasn’t able to concentrate on Magnus at all. He forced himself to continue eating, though, to save his face. Even if he was pretty sure that consuming half of the dish would kill him.

He was downing his tenth glass of water when something was pushed towards him. “Milk should help with the burning sensation.” He was about to apologize, only to meet a pair of fond eyes. “I told you that you’re adorable. But next time, we’re sticking to boiled eggs. Do you think you can handle that?”

Alec wrinkled his nose from disgust and shuddered. Which made them start giggling. So loudly that several people from neighboring tables gave them filthy looks. The attention only made them laugh harder.

Deciding to try being a proper gentleman, Alec insisted to walk Magnus home. The dancer accepted his offer with some mirth. Halfway there it started pouring rain. They did their best to rush out of the awful weather but were stopped by every imaginable red light.

Eventually they were stuck on the side of a busy street, with Magnus’ apartment building on the other side. Alec glanced towards his date. The older man did his best to hide it, but was trembling slightly from the cold. Smudged makeup made him appear even softer and more vulnerable. It reminded Alec of how cold weather had an impact on the angel’s wings. Recalling the nights through which they shared a bed together, he couldn’t help himself.

They had their original first kiss in freezing snow. Their second first kiss happened in almost as cold rain. The light changed from red to green eighteen times before they remembered to cross the street.

Far too soon they stood behind Magnus’ door. “Thank you for tonight, Alexander. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun on a date before.”

Alec wondered how pathetic it would’ve been to admit that he’d never been on a date with anyone else. Instead of uttering that sad fact, he pressed another kiss on Magnus’ lips. Simply because he could. Then muttered a hurried ‘goodnight’ and rushed away. Only to return before the dancer even managed to get his door open. Their third kiss of the evening was the longest and deepest.

“See you on Friday?” Alec gasped when it was over, his head spinning.

“Yeah.” Magnus chuckled breathlessly. “I’d... never say ‘no’, after a kiss like that.”

Alec feared that his grin would actually damage his face. It remained even when he stumbled in the stairs. Twice. Once he made it outside he began to whistle, not even noticing the downpour.

/

While autumn changed slowly to winter their first date led to several more. Sometimes it was bittersweet, when Alec listened to Magnus’ stories of his life. And wondered how many of those memories were real, and how many false to cover up his... transition. There were also days when he found it nearly impossible to hide the time they already shared together.

One such occasion came when he took Magnus for a ride with Skunk. The dancer stared at the hideous vehicle with a mixture of horror, disgust and amusement. “I’m sorry, but... That has to be the ugliest car I’ve ever seen.”

Alec almost blurted out that Magnus said the exact same thing the previous time. “It’ll grow on you”, he declared instead. Just like the previous time.

Their relationship was far from easy. When they fought they sometimes said vicious things, and left with doors banging. Regrettably often their fights were Alec’s fault. They both had emotional package and insecurities. And he was so terrified of losing Magnus, again, that there were times when it showed in... unpleasant ways. He was particularly touchy over the topic of Magnus’ former partners. The dancer traveled a lot because of his job, sometimes to foreign countries, which didn’t help with his troubled thoughts. No matter how well he knew that he was ridiculous.

Fortunately they never strayed away from each other for long. And Alec had grown up a lot during their time apart. (He didn’t know what else to call the time during which Magnus was... missing.) Following a very old, good advice, they never went to bed mad at each other. And while winter grew colder they got better at the fine art of communication.

Much like the previous time, they also began to share a bed on most nights. Just to sleep, for the time being. Neither was overthinking it. Alec loved Magnus’ spacious penthouse loft, in which he always felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. And Magnus announced that Alec’s tiny, sparsely decorated apartment was as adorable as he was. The artist didn’t know what to make of the older man labeling almost everything concerning him ‘adorable’.

They both had days when the dark clouds in their minds threatened to get too much. Alec was coming out of a brief phase of feeling blue when Christmas came along. A gasp left his lips when he opened Magnus’ present. It was an incredibly beautiful, silvery pendant, the shape of two wings.

“I know that you’re not a big fan of jewelry, but...” Magnus shrugged. “I wanted to give you something to remind you that there’s always someone watching over you. That I’m always there when you need me. No matter how far away I may be physically.”

Alec stared at his boyfriend. And concluded with some misery that it was probably too soon to propose right then and there. “Thank you”, he murmured while putting on the gift. “I love it.” He already knew that he’d never take it off. He cleared his throat to avoid bursting into sobs. “Now, your turn.”

Magnus was visibly touched by what was revealed from the wrappings. “Alexander...!” It was a tiny, beautiful omamori charm. One the artist had ordered online. It was silly, really. But Magnus reacted to it like it was his greatest treasure. (Much later, it’d occur to Alec that the man reacted to him much the same way.)

“It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection”, Alec explained. “And... I want something of me to be with you, wherever you go.”

Without saying a word Magnus tackled him to a kiss that was as tender as fiery. They fell to the floor in the middle of it. Both broke into a fit of giggles.

“Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Merry Christmas, Alexander.”

A couple of hours later they stood in front of Max’s grave, hand in hand. Alec swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry that I haven’t stopped by in a long time. It’s... not easy to come here.” He took a deep breath and drew comfort from his boyfriend’s presence. “I just... I wanted you to know that I’m okay. So you won' worry. And... I’ve found someone very special.” He went on when the dancer leaned his head against his shoulder. “This is Magnus. And, if you sent him my way... Thank you.”

A surprisingly gentle breeze of wind caressed them both.

/

New Year brought another experience Alec didn’t get to share with Magnus while the man was still an angel. His family had gathered to celebrate together. And it was time to introduce his boyfriend to them.

Magnus was already friends with Clary and Jace. It wasn’t very surprising that he hit it off spectacularly with Izzy and Simon as well. Luke and Magnus acknowledged each other with nods of mutual respect. (Alec pretended that he didn’t hear the officer of the law warning the dancer against hurting him.) Maxine surprised them all and startled Alec by asking Magnus if he was an angel.

“Uncle Alec says you are”, the child insisted.

Magnus laughed. “No, sweet pea, I’m not.” The man the artist a look that promised fun things to happen later. “But I’m flattered that he thinks so.”

The encounter of Magnus and Robert was the part Alec was the most scared of. His father nodded stiffly, closer to awkward than hostile. “It’s good to finally meet you.” It sounded like Robert meant that.

Magnus nodded and accepted the hand offered his way. “You, too. Your son is an amazing young man.”

Robert gave Alec a look that spoke more than a thousand words. “I know.” _I wish I saw it sooner_ , those eyes continued.

When midnight crept closer Alec was dismayed and mildly alarmed to discover that Magnus had vanished. Fortunately he didn’t have to seek far. His boyfriend was on the apartment’s balcony with his mom. Alec knew full well that it was rude to eavesdrop. But when his mom pulled the dancer to a hug, tears in her eyes, he couldn’t help himself. “I’ve never seen Alec as happy as he is with you”, she murmured. “Thank you, for loving my boy.”

Alec had to retreat before he would’ve gotten so choked up that he couldn’t hide it.

When the clock struck midnight Alec held Magnus close, so happy that it was ridiculous. Swaying slowly on the dancefloor, he felt like the rest of the world was somewhere far away. And whispered what he thought he’d never get to utter. “I love you.”

Magnus held him tighter. The sounds of rockets and celebrating people weren’t enough to keep his response from being heard. “I love you, too.”

Later that night they shared a bed yet again. And Alec decided that he was ready to overcome one of his greatest fears. The previous time Magnus was taken from him almost right after their first... Well. It was a big reason why he’d been hesitant to let the intimacy between them deepen.

Magnus frowned down on him while they lay on his bed. “Are you sure?” The dancer’s wide pupils revealed that he was.

Alec stared into those eyes, at the other’s face that still seemed angelic to him. Thoroughly mesmerized like he was seeing it all for the first time. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life”, he declared hoarsely.

That night, with Magnus on top of him and inside him, Alec was truly home for the first time in his life.

/

The following morning Alec woke up to an empty bed. He panicked, feeling a horrible sense of déjà vu, until he smelled coffee. Following the scent eagerly, he found Magnus observing one of his paintings with keen interest, his head tilted.

A tingle went through Alec while he accepted the beverage handed his way. (Which was just the way he wanted it, as always, he discovered while taking a sip.) It was the painting he started when he first met Magnus and never got to show the man. He nearly destroyed it, once, in his pain, grief and rage. Instead he completed it, three full years after the angel... vanished. And instead of selling it or putting it to a gallery he hung it to his living room. Somehow it made him feel like a piece of Magnus was still with him.

On the artwork an angel stood with their back towards spectators, amazing wings that were a mixture of black, white and grey on full display. That there was absolutely nothing else on the whole canvas made the three colors stand out. The mystery person looked longingly from heaven towards the world below.

Alec breathed for a second before daring to try his voice. “I... started working on that years ago. It took me ages to finish.”

Magnus nodded slowly. Head still tilted and a wondering, almost confused look on his face. “It’s... different from your usual works.”

“In good ways, I hope?” Alec attempted to joke, but sounded far too cautious.

Magnus’ eyes softened. “I adore it. The color world, and the way you’ve focused on the tiny details... They make this more intimate than anything else you’ve painted.” The dancer pursed his lips, deep in thought. “That angel... Does he represent someone special?”

Alec wanted to cry and laugh simultaneously. Instead he wrapped his arms around Magnus and kissed the love of his life with all his affection. _If only you knew..._ “Yeah. He’s my guardian angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaw! They found their way back to each other. How proud are you of Alec, for being so strong and coming so far? (smiles) May they have a long, happy future!
> 
> Soooo... How’s that for a happier ending? Any good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS make my day.
> 
> And thank you, so much, for reading! Perhaps we’ll find our way back to each other one day, too. (winks)
> 
> Take care – of yourselves and all the Alecs and Magnuses of the world!


	3. technical difficulties

THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER.

And I'm truly sorry for posting this! There were technical difficulties while I tried to update the story, so I'm trying to see if this works. I'll attempt to delete this message at some point.

Apologies, THANK YOU to everyone for reading this story and especially for comments! Much love to you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Alec! And Magnus, too! (whimpers)
> 
> I’m contemplating typing a second chapter for this. What do you think? And what are your thoughts on this? ANY good, AT ALL? PLEASE, do let me know! Comments ALWAYS make my day.
> 
> (Btw, if you're wondering... DOA means 'dead on arrival'. It's a slang word for patients who arrive to a hospital and are... Well.)
> 
> In any case, thank you so much for reading! Who knows. Maybe you’ll stop by to read my stories again?
> 
> Take care!


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